Well the title to this blog is "thoughts of an expectant father", but I no longer qualify for that description. And I don't think Jacqui would be too keen about me joining that club again for a while... So it seems that this blog is coming to an end. But a few thoughts about fatherhood itself before I sign off.

First, fatherhood makes you realise the world is a scary place again, full of unpredictable and dangerous things. I haven't slept well for the last 10 days - not because Luke is crying through the night, because he doesn't - but because I'm awake thinking (and worrying) about him...

Second, fatherhood makes you realise the world is a beautiful place again. Taking Luke for a walk through our village for the sake of it - not rushing, but enjoying the autumn colours and the crisp sunshine.

And third, fatherhood brings you closer to your own father - realising what he went through for you. What joy, hope and anguish I can bring him. And not just my earthly father, but also my heavenly Father.

Well now I know why labour is called labour. It was hard enough work for me and I wasn't even feeling the contractions. The process gave me a whole new respect for women, particularly my wife, Jacqui, who did an amazing job with no pain relief until the very end. So here's the full story. Jacqui's blood pressure was higher than usual on Monday, so  she was asked to attend a hospital clinic for blood tests on Wednesday. We thought that would be a short visit, but she ended up being kept in, and the midwives induced labour. It was just as we were about to settle down to get some sleep (about 11.45pm) that the contractions started. I know it ought to be pretty obvious but I hadn't quite processed the fact that once contractions start, they don't stop until the baby is out! And for a while it looked like that would be pretty quickly. But once we got to Stage 2 (the pushing bit) the baby just didn't want to budge. He'd got himself in the wrong position and just wasn't helping. So Jacqui kept contracting and contracting, but to no effect. So the only way to move things on was to intervene. Jacqui was wheeled to the operating theatre, given a spinal epidural (pain killer) and a venthose (suction cup) was used to help baby out. Even that didn't look like it was going to work, until a combination of a gold medal winning push from Jacqui and a deft flick of the wrist by the obstetrician brought our son out into the big scary world. Luke Valentine Watts was born at 4.55am on Thursday 18th October and weighed 7lb 14oz.

I read somewhere that "46% of mothers are still pregnant on their due date." Well tomorrow is that due date, and Jacqui's still pregnant... at least for the moment. We've had a few false alarms about the onset of labour, but the reality is that the baby might not arrive for another 2 weeks. The funny thing is that I've cleared my diary in order to be about for the baby. I'm fortunate enough to have the kind of job where I can control my own diary to a certain extent. But since the baby's not here, I've not got much to do this week! We've even kept social engagements to a minimum - thinking we might be up to our ears in nappies.

 

So there's a few options - either I get on with the list of "jobs I've been meaning to do round the house"; or the baby is born tonight; or if you're in the cambridge area and free sometime this week, get in touch - I might just be around...

Tonight I go back to school. Jacqui and I are off to Hardwick Primary School for the first of a series of ante-natal classes run by the National Childbirth Trust. I suppose it's quite symbolic we're having the classes at a Primary school - after all our child will be spending quite a bit of time there over the next decade-or-so. To be honest, I'm a little bit nervous about what to expect. I was good a school subjects where you had to write lots of things down in your exercise book, and craft pieces of creative writing. But something tells me this class will be more practical focussed. Like home economics, woodwork or junk modelling. Things that I enjoyed in a messy kind of way, but was never very good at. I'll let you know how I get on...

A friend of mine (and father of 3) recently told me that he is terrified of the last 6 weeks of pregnancy as his wife suddenly becomes impossible to live with - and suddenly wants to organise the whole house. Well we haven't quite got to that stage yet - in fact maybe I should be hoping the baby comes early so we miss it altogether! Jacqui does admit to having 'pregnancy brain' though - i.e. much more forgetful than usual! And what about my hormones you ask? Well they're telling me to get lots of sleep in preparation at the moment... and I'm obeying them.

People have been saying to us "the first baby always arrives late", but our friends' firstborn recently arrived 3 weeks early! So that means its about time we got our home ready for the new arrival. Soon to be Uncle Nick visited last week to help us move numerous beds, wardrobes, chests of drawers, and filing cabinets to create a small space where we can put the baby's crib next to our bed. More importantly we now have emptied another bedroom especially for baby. And it's painted lilac. Ahhh...

 

Onto car seats next. Anyone know anything about isofix??

Well I've finally worked out how to add pictures to this blog. So you should now be able to see the ultrasound scans of our little one on this page :-) 

Wow, this baby is destined for stardom - either as a boxer or a footballer. He is certainly making his presence felt  at the moment - bump bump, kick kick, punch punch. My wife and I also got to listen to a CD illustrating what the baby hears from inside the womb - apparently they learn to recognise tunes which they hear repeatedly. And then after they're born when the father sings it back they instantly smile and giggle. Well that's if I can sing in tune...

Well I'm typing this at almost 1am because we've just had one of those wonder moments... My wife and I were lying in bed, feeling a bit sorry for ourselves (no good reason for that really, we'd had a perfectly good evening out) - but then suddenly Jacqui felt something stir inside her for the first time. I put my hand on her tummy and felt our baby performing somersaults for us. And as the baby danced, something changed inside us - our mood was lifted. And for the first time I realised what an emotional tie there is between parent and child. I wait expectantly for other moments of wonder as our child grows.